the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
