The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
