**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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