I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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