and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
