i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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