was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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