Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
