I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
