You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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