So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
