Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
