Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
