I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i drank out of a bidet.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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