who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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