I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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