The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
