i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
