Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
