508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
