How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
