i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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