I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
