He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
