wanna go halves on a baby?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
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she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
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My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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