I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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