I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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