he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
