Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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