I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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