I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i think my cat just said my name.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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