the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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