just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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