I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
