Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just invented taco cereal.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
