i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
