She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
