He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
