We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
