Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Less talking, more tequila
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
