I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
