you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
