So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
