I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
