could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
