His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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