I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
