its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
