If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Walk of Shame today included voting.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
