I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
