THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
