Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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