Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
