So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
