Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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