am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
