Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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