I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
