I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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