I met the friendliest cop last night
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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