I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm like, not good at living.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
