just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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