i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
