Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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