I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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