I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
