My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
