I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
