Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
