man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
