do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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