I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
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i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
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No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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