your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think my vagina is haunted
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
