and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
