Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Randomize
