I can tuck mytits in my pants
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
