he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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