I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
