Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
