Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
