addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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