I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
