so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
