i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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